Most of my morning was spent helping with a presentation on recognition for the new RAMA staff. As the NRHH OTM Committee Chair this year, I was asked to help with the presentation and talk about the national OTM Database. I didn’t really know exactly what I would talk about, but I was willing and eager to help. NRHH is one of those organizations that some people know about, but they don’t really understand what we do. This is one way I’d be able to let more people know about the organization and how they can be a part of an ideal. So I did it. There were three rotations and I explained to each group what OTMs are and how the database works. I encouraged all of them to create an account on the site even though I know that realistically many of them won’t.

I’ll be honest. This is not about the presentation I did this morning. Frankly, I doubt anyone cares. This is about what it was like, how hard it was to stand there talking to this group of people (most of whom are younger than me with less experience in the halls) and feeling in my heart that I belonged in a seat beside them and not standing in front of them. Had that been the case, someone else would obviously have given the presentation, and though I am the logical choice as the OTM Committee Chair I gladly would have traded places with someone if it meant I could be going through training as a RAMA. I’m not saying that there are any of them who don’t deserve to be there. But I truly feel that I deserve to be there just as much as they do. And I’m not. And I still don’t understand why that’s the case.

I stood in front of each group and told them why recognition is so important and how easy it is to write an OTM to do just that. I explained what it feels like to have an OTM written for you and how it can really make someone’s day. I tried to convey how good it could make you feel to recognize someone else even if they don’t win. But at the same time, I feel like I have not been recognized. Not in the way I really wanted. I’ve given plenty in the last two years to this place and the people here, yet I have gotten very little in return. Perhaps my intentions have been misunderstood on more than one occasion. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that I really do love this place and the people. Even if/when they don’t love me, I will continue to do the best I can for them. That is who I am.

Dammit.

Currently Playing: Stroke 9 – Down

Call out my name, speak to me
And say that it’s alright to be on the wrong track