I’m having the hardest time putting things into words right now. There’s a lot of things on my mind that I don’t know how to explain. After about a month and a half of being less than happy, I’m finally trying to get my life back on track. I say that like it’s been a long time…I guess it really hasn’t. For some people it takes a lot longer, and I’m grateful it didn’t take me more time to commit to do something about how I was feeling. Anyway, as some people already know, about a week ago I just decided I didn’t like the way things were going. I didn’t feel like going to bed at night and I didn’t feel like getting up in the morning. I wasn’t very nice to people, I didn’t care about a lot of things I should have, and my motivation to do schoolwork was at an all-time low. Not to mention I’d had a long string of disappointments with few bright spots. I’d had enough.

I decided I was going to make things change. Some things a person can’t control, and I don’t pretend to think I can affect those things. But there are a lot of things I can change, mostly in myself. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hold myself to this unless I made a list of goals, and I knew I’d have to actually write them out or I’d lose sight of them. This last week has been a big improvement. I started off on the wrong foot by shutting off my alarm Monday morning and sleeping straight through my 9:30 class, but things have been looking up since then. I’ve been to breakfast every day since Tuesday, something I haven’t done in a long time. I haven’t gone to bed later than 1am or had a single pop all week. I’ve done my best to be nicer to everyone in general and not let little stuff get to me. If I continue on this way, I just might make it to summer and have my much needed break from all the stress of the semester. No class + good job = free time = happier C.

Unfortunately, while I’m doing my best to improve things, there’s other *stuff* going on that’s beyond my control. Most of it doesn’t directly involve me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not affected. There are two situations in particular that have been on my mind. I just don’t know what to think. It would be nice if I could have this time to work solely on my goals and improving my own character without having to deal with anomalies in the character of others. Unfortunately that’s not the way it works, and as much as I’d like to focus just on improving myself and my relations with other people, I can’t do it. Other things happen in the world that affect me (even if it is indirectly), and I can’t just act like they don’t matter to me. It’s not in my being.

So maybe I didn’t do so bad getting everything out of my head and into this post. But let me tell you, this isn’t half of what’s swirling around in there. Ask me about it sometime. You might be surprised at what’s you find in there.

Song: Abandoned Pools – Start Over