I’m sorry, Epic. You really dropped the ball today.

Let me back up a bit…One of the things I think is pretty cool about Epic is that the company really values the relationship they have with customers. One of the ways they reach out is by holding a week long conference called the Users’ Group Meeting every September. They set a theme every year and it’s a chance to mingle with customers and learn what others are doing with the software, etc. To be honest, I’ve been kinda looking forward to going to some of the sessions to hear a little bit about other parts of the company and what customers really think. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Epic cares so much about their customers, but today they totally forgot about their employees.

There is only one session that every employee is required to go to: the general session. Since Epic has been growing so fast over the last few years (current population is over 2100, up from 1600 when I interviewed in February) it would require a very large venue to house all of the employees and even more customers. So they decided to split us up: the customers in the convention center, the employees in the Orpheum Theater. Keep in mind we are still required to dress up even though we won’t see any customers for the only session we’re required to go to.

So some people on my team and I decided to carpool. We get downtown, find a place to park, and walk into the Orpheum right at 8 o’clock when the session is supposed to start. The first thing I notice is that it’s a little warm inside. I immediately took off my suit jacket, knowing I would be miserable if I didn’t. We proceed up to the balcony, knowing we will be able to better see the screen where they will be projecting the feed from the convention center. They’ve got a video on one side of the giant screen and a powerpoint presentation on the other. Not a bad setup. Or so I thought.

Each year a video is made to match the theme. This year: Mystery in the Midwest. I’m sure the video was pretty good, but I can’t really tell you for sure. As soon as the presentation started, a nasty speaker buzz started from the only speakers projecting the audio feed from the convention center. The volume wasn’t bad, but the voices were so garbled I caught about every fifth word. I thought maybe they were having issues and would fix them, but I was wrong. As the movie ended and the first speaker started, the feedback got worse. They made an adjustment and the sound stopped crackling during high volume, but everything was still garbled.

So here we go. Roughly 2000 Epic employees sitting in the dark in their nicest suits and dresses in an 85 degree theater for four hours watching a video feed from the nice (cool) comfy convention center that we can’t even hear well enough to understand. The video, the CEO, the Vice President, the keynote speaker from Princeton…I’m sure it was all great. I think I caught one joke in four hours, meanwhile I’m sitting there sweating through my dress clothes. Absolutely fan-frickin’-tastic.

I went to two sessions in the afternoon after enjoying (sort of) a free box lunch. They weren’t too bad, but I still can’t believe they didn’t test their setup ahead of time. That ranks right up there with a tech company that relies on Microsoft Outlook for absolutely everything having to go without access for 2 days while they install patches, updates, and make server changes.

So I just sat down to start cutting my fingernails. I know, I haven’t posted in weeks and the first thing I come back with is fingernails. Well, deal with it. There’s at least a reason for it.

One month ago while messing with the plugs for lights on a U-Haul tow dolly, I bent my thumbnail back. It hurt like hell, and there was really no reason for me to have done it. Why should you care? Well you probably won’t even after I explain it (I’m not sure I’ve even got any readers anymore), but here I go anyway.

One month ago is about the last time I knew what I was doing. I’ve been in Madison for almost a month and I’m still completely lost. Sure I’ve got this job, and I’ve got this great girl with me. But I have almost no clue where I am or where I’m going. Too make things more fun, on this particular night I happen to be sitting alone in an empty apartment after angering said wonderful girl for something very stupid. So here I sit, listening to depressing music wondering where she’s gone and why, after three weeks I still have no clue what my job is. Why I’m even here.

The girl has been telling me since we got here how lonely she is and if it weren’t for my job I would be in the same boat. I don’t think I’m really that far off though. Sure I have something to do during the day but I have yet to meet anyone I would consider a friend.

That night I bent my thumbnail back is now probably one of the last memories I’ll have of Manhattan and how my life used to be. This would have to be the first time since graduation that I really wish I was back there, or home, or pretty much anywhere but here. My parents are mad at me, the girl is mad at me, we have no friends here. Isn’t life grand.

Currently Playing: Flickerstick – Coke